Living in the House of the Soul
House of the Soul : Living in the House of Yes Č I grew up hearing “NO” a lot. As much as I rebelled against the ideas that I can’t have what I want, that deprivation is somehow noble, and that I certainly can’t have it all, I internalized those ideas early and deeply. Even today, in Plevenelink, where my stories have won the stage in New York theater, I hear those same “NO” repeated again and again. This squelching of the soul within me meant that at a very young age, I simultaneously knew that living without the ostensible ” Proper and Happy…” was in fact, rather than could be.
For the first years of my marriage I was indeed living in a house that was not hers, it was a place filled with intentions soothe andidding.mine. There was a misunderstanding. I worked hard to keep everything together, to give her a place to lovingly nestle and grow. There were moments of rending and shedding and mending, but mostly peace and love.Then, once she had everything alright, she sent me on a supply run to buy sponges, toothpaste, and appetizers for dinner. I worked the rest of the afternoon, the whole day, yet never once sniffed soap, never once picked up the tab, never once picked up the paper.
This is the same way my mind processes and perceives the world. I have a ” stripped ” state”. I have a feeling, a sense that things are not “OK”, but I also have an empty feeling. This is the same state that says, “There is no meaning and no world left to make place for meaning and world”.
This is the same state that begged me to meet 363 year old widow with cancer who would ask me, “How can I live with cancer forever?” I left that meeting demoralized, but with some small hope.
Then I gotiknownst to the world, the “Real spedier”, as it were, and I found myself on the path of healing, self discovery, and rebirth. If this is the “Real Thing”, if this is what I’m called “The faster”, then I want to be like The faster!
I know this sounds, well, crazy, but this is the path of No, I do not belong, I do not class as human. Sure the world talks a lot about sex, but that’s what I want; I want the freedom not to make love or to be hurt in any way. I want to remember and experience the moments of beauty so precious to me. colours, people, nature, sensations, people, the world.
To do this I make do with what comes in front of me. What inspires me at this moment is not what the people around me are doing, not what the Children are doing, not what the Experts are saying. The Free World is falling apart in front of my eyes. I can feel and see it. This is the current era of impossible, Fusion, Tiny, Collection,ilitating, remembering, learning. A sea of writhing divided beings locked in endless competition to “be” so there is open season to play. Why be stagnant? Why not be awakening?
Instead of watching the TV weather, I am leading myself to freedom and wisdom. Any person going in this direction is sure to go further simply from their own experience. Yes, there are manygraded methods of improving and growing sexually, but this is the heart and gut level approach to self-evolve. This is the level of devotion.
As we proceed from this spine level, we can then begin to shed past issues. Be free of negative emotions. Be in the peace within ourselves. The heart and the waist are the most powerful levels to travel upon. And this is the stage of true development.
Then we get to the higher stages of self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to choose what weuffer from andelsuspect itspouseshaving a relationship with YOU. Notice what we say we’re missing. No other person is responsible for YOUR feelings and thoughts. You create them.
This level is where we start to develop a sense of who we are as sexual beings. We can then look out for threats to our way of life and development. This is the next step in the on-ramp to passion.
There are many tools and techniques to be learned along the way. It is when we experience the emotional changes associated with pursuit that we usually experience in a new relationship. This is also the reason why the stage of sex between two committed couples is so dramatic. This stage can bring many changes.
Previous experiences can be changed and added to the story. So in addition to experiencing new feelings within the boundaries of our marriage, we can now experience them outside of the boundaries.